The Paradoxical Pandemonium
The last blog post of May! I hope you all have been taking especially good care of yourselves this month. What ways have you been keeping your mental health and wellness in check? Let me know in the comment section at the end of the page!
I’ve been oddly tired these past couple of weeks. I blame the weather… and that full moon! I fell short on my consistency with diet and it was a struggle to want to exercise. SUPER DUPER SWEET TOOTH lately, too- uh-muh-gawwww. BUT I did take lots of time to rest (in many forms) and stay productive in other ways. I had many moments of grounding and gratitude; spent the weekend in one of my favorite cities. I even finished a book! Whhhhhaaaat?! Who am I even?
One thing that I am terrible at is laundry. I have allowed my laundry to just pile up. It’s bad. I always make sure my kids have things to wear and we all have access to clean towels, but my own… avoidance kicks in hard. To the point where I decided to become super motivated in helping Jay clean up his closest. Why is laundry so daunting? Does anyone have a scientific reason why laundry is like, the thing that sets us moms into a frenzy? Does anyone reading actually love doing laundry? I N E E D A N S W E R S!
The silver lining to this is as I’ve been tidying, I’ve also been de-cluttering. Maybe that’s why I hate laundry. It just feels like an endless pile of clutter-shit and it sets my soul into a panic attack. Any one else get overwhelmed by clutter? To me, it’s incredibly “loud” if that makes sense…Super overstimulating. Like, if I am in the kitchen and there’s crap all over the counter, and the dishes aren’t done, and one kid is singing and the other kid is making some unnecessary obnoxious noise, and my husband is trying to tell me a story, and there is a pile of laundry that needs to be put away in sight…I literally want to do an Irish goodbye and just leave the house. All of those things are “noise” and I quite literally can’t handle it. I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin.
But, when my space is clean and decluttered, so is my mind. And I find that a lot of my spare time right now is spent picking up the same messes (also super exhausting) but it just makes me feel so accomplished. But then the balancing act of when to rest, when to clean, when to do some other project to stay productive in some way enters the circus ring. I think this is a good time to insert some “mom stuff” that is important for us to understand and learn from. And let me just say, this is new to me also. So I am truly practicing what I preach- this message is for me just as much as it is for anyone reading. I want to say it loud enough for everyone in the back - the expectations of moms, be it one that works or one that stays at home… are fucked up. There, I said it. We are told to rest when we have the chance, but then when we want to do something productive and everyone is home, we should have done it when we had alone time. But… we needed to rest. And we can’t usually rest when little people bid us to be their full-time butler. So, when is it appropriate for us to rest and when is it appropriate to be productive? It can feel like a never ending conundrum that I personally can’t seem to nail, but try harder every day to overcome. I’ve had to learn what to let go of for the day or week and what I actually need to focus on. And I’ve also learned to commission the kiddos to pick up their own messes by making it a game (because, prior enabler!). Once I sort of surrendered to it all, I felt better. And the kids have really pulled through with taking on this “game” and feeling a sense of accomplishment themselves. It all goes back to asking for help when you need it and having it be ok within yourself to do so. And let me be clear, asking for help doesn’t always mean looking at another person and saying “can you help me?”. Sometimes ‘asking for help’ looks like letting yourself off the hook, leaning into something religious or spiritual, reading a self-help book! Meaning, it comes from within. And girl, let me tell you, that has been my BIGGEST form of support.
When I was working, I prayed that one day the colossal amounts of boxes in my garage, basement, and car would be gone. Again, the constant clutter was such an anxiety inducer. I never had room for anything in my car because working around the supplies was easier than loading and unloading each time. And then the delivery of 5-10 boxes at a time every few weeks that all had to be sorted and organized into the basement. The constant toting back and forth to people, places, and things. It was a lot. My poor kids sometimes didn’t have any room to breathe in the backseat! I thought the end of all of this would be a result in me getting some fancy high-paying job, but it was a layoff instead. Reflecting on this, I wouldn’t have it any other way. My prayer has finally been answer over the past couple of weeks. Someone from my previous job came to retrieve the final remnants of give-a-ways and pamphlets. It was a huge sigh of relief. Not only can my layoff chapter finally come to an end, I can clear space for all of the new wonderful things to come in (figuratively and literally).
I’ve said it in a past post that sometimes we are our own hurdle to jump over. We create our own guilt or expectations. I am just doing what I please and what I feel right at this time. Some days I am a beast and am in constant motion until the final bell. Others, I’m a lazy sloth not giving a single shit. My house is lived in. It can’t always look like a magazine. It can’t always be prepared for company. I can’t always be on the go because my mind and body physically needs extra rest at times. And it’s all ok. I too, deserve to rot on the couch every now and again without the expectation I do ANYTHING else. So little by little, I’ve been thinning my wardrobe and collecting things to be tossed or sold. Cleaning and dusting surfaces I have neglected as I pick one room to focus on. Taking time to write my blog or work on other little projects instead of cleaning….It is liberating- giving yourself some grace- and having it turn into something restful and productive! Mind-body-soul.
To wrap this all up into a cute little package, your mental health is important. It is important to recognize your triggers, big or small. And once those things are recognized, take the accountability to find an appropriate resolution. Give yourself some grace and listen to your body! Again, I am not a professional therapist or doctor. My advice is purely based off of my own experiences, so take what resonates and leave the rest.
See you next Tuesday : ) Love yous guys! xoxo