Prioritizing What Matters

I had some major writers block. I started to second guess and panic what my next blog post would be about. I had spoke with a friend who helped me align what I wanted to summarize but the words were having a hard time flowing to me. I am writing this on April 11th at 9:02 am. I am listening to nice spa-like music and could hear something that didn’t belong in the song playing.

A chirp. Very distinct and timed chirp.

I says to myself, “what the hell is that?” - clearly knowing it was a bird but it sounded super close. We live in a two story 3,804 sq ft house so this thang sits tall and proud. The bird sounded as if it was right outside of the window but there’s nothing really to perch on. Sure enough, it was. A gorgeous Blue Jay sitting on my mangled canopy frame that got bent up from the ice. It sat for a moment and then hopped along and eventually flew away.

I know a sign when I see it! So, I took to the internet to understand what Blue Jays represent. Blue Jays are a symbol of protection, spiritual guidance, a good omen, victory, and wealth. They represent clear communication, strength, resilience, and the need to prioritize what truly matters. Thank you little Blue Jay… I am on a roll now!

Last weeks post gave a very broad overview of how I overcame some personal obstacles and the resources I used to get there. I touched on my anxiety and depression and what ultimately saved me from going down a deeper darker tunnel. I am sure if you have read all of my posts up to this point then you might be noticing a trend with expressing gratitude, signs and synchronicities, and alignment. I have leaned into spirituality a lot along my journey. Yup, I love a good ol’ moon howling. It has always been something that interested me… astronomy and astrology, Greek Mythology and the Gods, and seeking solace from a medium. Which seems weird because I had a very strong sense of dread and fear when it came to the thought of death. So, I guess I needed to counterbalance my fear and just totally dive in.

Just like the practice and dedication to some religion, this centers me, helps me practice trusting myself, and worry less. My grandfather was spiritual and everyone just thought he was sort of looney-toon for having a pendulum and getting validation from numerology. He once told me he meditated for so long and efficiently that he knew all of the answers to the universe. Pretty friggen cool if you ask me! I wished he and I had been closer when he was alive because he would have been an amazing mentor. I guess now I just take his guidance from tHe OtHeR sIdE (said in a spooky voice with my hands/fingers wiggling in the air). I know religion and spirituality are taboo topics and I am certainly not here to sway anyone either way. I’m just saying, if you carry crystals in your bra, talk to your passed loved ones as if they are sitting next to you, or pray to God every night… then I love that for you and do the damn thing! I found that the more I embrace a positive mindset and trust that everything works out in my favor, the less crap I accept allowing more positive, beautiful people and opportunity into my life. I make journaling and affirmations a routine each day to the best of my ability. I take what I consider signs and synchronicities as validation and I listen to my intuition more than ever now.

So, what does center you? What makes you feel at peace? What gives spark to your day? I couldn’t answer these questions a few years ago. I didn’t have “hobbies” and I didn’t feel like I had time to figure it out. Everything I started, I would quickly quit. I would get excited and fired up about an idea and let self-doubt, limiting thoughts, and overthinking ruin it all. I was at fault for sabotaging my own process. I have notes going back fifteen years about a TV show plot a friend and I thought of. You see, I wanted to be a star my whole life, HA! I really thought I wanted to act and model; even attended Barbizon modeling school! When I was laid off the first time I did have a pulse of confidence and tried acting for a short while. Surprisingly, I was cast in a few student films and one independent. I was not great… which is why I am here writing a blog. I never did continue with it because it felt hard and scary and I didn't believe I could do it. I also allowed what others thought sink deep into my psyche making me feel stupid for pursuing it. BUT we all know I had plenty of opportunity if I really felt deeply about it. I was just so unsure of myself….and…shy. I K N O W! This isn’t usually a word people use to describe be nowadays. But I was. Stomach-ache-wanted-to-shit-my-pants-got-hot-flashes-angry kind of shy. I’ve had to give myself A LOT of grace and release resentment for being this way. All that I missed out on…

Anyway, 2025 Kayla might still have a hard time wanting to audition, but I would sure as hell be more confident about it and not care so much what people thought of me. And there it is. Pretty much the #1 reason I have ever felt inadequate. And if you have never felt this way or learned to get rid of the feeling long before your mid-30’s, will the real slim shady please stand up!? Preach the gospel!? Say it loud enough for us in the back!? Because, for me, there is a fine line between self-assuredness and being cocky. I never wanted to appear cocky or brag or as if I was better than someone else, so I would immediately shrink into low self-esteem, causing me all sorts of stupid headaches along the way.

But not anymore! I am SO sure of myself! I am taking up space, shining bright, doing what I like, not people pleasing, and doing everything in my being to create the life I have always dreamed of. I don’t have limiting thoughts, I know delays are just detours to the right path, and I am removing every single person, place, or thing that is a barrier to my success. If you are envious or jealous - BYE! If you are a pretending to like me - BYE! If you are trying to compete - BYE! Hypocrite? Narcissist? - BUH BYE! I will keep trimming until my path is free and clear from ivy and weeds. This is where my beliefs and mindset shifts have been instrumental. This is why I have a propensity for the hippy-dippy stuff. It’s what matters to me and what has helped me. And it is also important to share the things I would have normally wanted to hide away. This blog, howling at the moon, self-care, exercising, and helping others work through their rough patches has become my great therapy.

I wanted to keep this short and sweet. Every so often I think it will be fun to write on something that I particularly grateful for. To summarize the above, I am so grateful for a healthy mindset so that I feel 100% confident prioritizing what matters most to me. I hope it resonates!

See you next Tuesday! ; ) Love you’s guys xoxo